I can't syncope with this!!!

You take your tonsils out, your feeding tube in, tooth out, bloods done, cancer can get in the bin. (Please tell me you read that in the tune of the hokey cokey, because if not - please read it again 🤭)

Im guna take you back to the 2nd October which was the day after the feeding tube went in and 5 days before the tooth was removed. The universe, not quite content with the current stress levels, decided to test us further with a cheeky little syncope seizure! (Thanks for that, another challenge is JUST what we'd hoped for right now 😭) 

A syncope seizure is just fainting and the involuntary movements your body sometimes makes when you do. But when you've never seen someone have one, especially when they have just had multiple procedures following a cancer diagnosis, its pretty fucking scary. Brain instantly screaming " OH MY GOD HES DYING!!!!" - "Not fucking helpful brain, shut the fuck up so I can deal with this!" 

How did we get here then? Well, like all traumatic experiences, everything was pretty normal (as normal as the most abnormal time of life can feel) Thomas was sat on the sofa with Hattie, i was cutting an apple for Bets in the kitchen. He gets up and comes into me and asks if ill flush him. I finish cutting Betsies apple, wash my hands and get the syringe filled with cool boiled water. Like the day before, Thomas was stood in the kitchen when I attached the syringe and began flushing. I was about 5ml in when he said "I dont feel right..." 😳 I walk him over to the bench in the kitchen just in time. He falls back onto it and has a sort of seizure. Not like an epileptic seizure where its tense and fast, more limp and floppy? Now remember, im still holding the syringe which is attached to his tube, im trying to hold him on the bench so he doesn't fall under the kitchen table, my phone is nowhere to be seen and Betsie is sat next to us like 😳 I calmly ask her to find my phone and bring it to me, quick as she can. Im shouting Thomas's name and by this point the seizure has stopped and hes just a bit vacant and wide eyed. Im trying to talk to him when Bets comes with my phone. She sees hattie about to come in behind her and without a word from me, she says "Come on Hattie, lets go in here and play a game!" And she kept her in the living room, distracted and unaware of what was unfolding in the kitchen 🥹 

The 999 operator gets me through to ambulance, im talking them through whats gone on, when he comes to and starts saying "I'm ok! Lauren im ok I dont need an ambulance, I feel okay!" Im thinking yeah right pal, IGNORED and fully intend on getting him checked over, when the call handler says "if he doesnt want an ambulance im afraid I cant send one" 🤯😳 I am GLARING at him with the rage of 1000 periods, slowly shaking my head like wtf?? He cancels the ambulance and I hang up. "BABE WTF!!" - Hes like "Babe, im ok i feel alright now" He sits up...."I dont feel ok...." Bang! hits the bench and starts convulsing again 😭 999 AGAIN! This time they send someone out, thank fuck! 

I call my mum and she comes straight round to the rescue. She'd made Thomas his favourite pie that day which we'd had for dinner. She walks in and says to him "dont you be blaming that on my pie!" 😂

Ambulance crew do their thing. All the obs and an ECG. Everything looks good which is a huge relief. "So I don't need to go hospital?" he says hopefully. "Yes, you still need to go to the hospital so they can look a little closer at you." I can see he's NOT happy about this but he goes quietly. I followed the ambulance so that we could get home when he was done. Before I left I went in to see Bets. As soon as she saw me she crumbled. "Is Thomas ok?" 🥺 I give her the biggest hug and tell her how proud I am of her. That she made a hard situation so much easier and that I would always remember how grown-up a response she had that night. Gave her, my mum and Hats a kiss and left for A&E.

By the time I got there Thomas had already had his obs done and been thrown into a chaotic waiting room 😭 "I dont need to be here Lauren, I passed out, I feel like myself again now" (pretty sure you told me you were "fine" just before you blacked out, so forgive me for being dubious at this point Sir!) I don't respond and I think he knows by my silence im not going to entertain the idea of leaving.

A&E is a sad place to be. People literally screaming in pain, families arguing over the stress of being in there for hours, vulnerable people with inadequate carers accompanying them, old people by themselves and just really poorly looking people sat for hours looking defeated, we saw all sorts in there that night. (Also seen a text on someone's phone who had their font size up to 500% that said - "I think I've caught the shits off winnie, that sandwich I had earlier went right through me" 🤮 That'll teach me for being a nosey bastard.)

During our 6-hour visit, Thomas had bloods done and another CT scan with tracer 😑 when the nurse called him and said she was taking him for a CT scan Thomas said "Ah I don't need to, I've got a CT booked for next week" 😂 she's like "yeah that's not how it works." He was gutted but took it like a champ. We got out of there at 3:30 am 😴

As sad as it was to see the chaotic state of A&E, you cannot fault the nurses and doctors who bust their asses every day to look after us! For pretty shit pay and hardly any thanks too? Heroes the lot of them. Our NHS is truly wonderful and I will forever be in awe of the nurses and doctors we've encountered. Our Macmillan nurses have been next level. Not patronising or insincere in any way. Genuine salt of the earth woman who have made me laugh and cry in equal measures ❤️

Oh yeah, results of the CT!! All clear 🥰 and to be sure to be sure, they referred him to the seizure clinic to be given the once over. Just another appointment to add to the never ending list! 

Syncope seizure sorted. Next Up....

Radiotherapy mask and meeting the Oncology Consultant