Loz & Toz - Season 6 "The one where Toz gets Cancer"

Im disorganised today. Im still up at Dawn's crack and I know i need to get moving but motivation is evading me. Desperately need a shower and my hair is bogging but instead, I sit, as I do most mornings, drinking coffee, looking at different forums for any tips and advice I might have missed, and to see if i can get anything that might help with the healing process/pain/dry mouth/mucus/nausea 😭  I order some Xylimelts for his dry mouth. Little minty things that stick inside your lip on your gum that help stimulate saliva. They can be used when sleeping too so they go straight in ma basket. Some L-Glutamine powder. Lots of people in America use a product called Healios, but its about £60-£80 a tub to buy. A lovely lady on one of the groups lets me know that they dont get Healios in Oz either, but the main ingredient is L-Glutamine, which can help to reduce the severity of mouth sores because it aids the healing process somehow. I figure it cant help to add a spoon of it to his sal...

Monday- It feels good not having to leave early doors. Thomas isnt having chemo again this week, so hes not scheduled in for Radio until 3pm as he'd usually have hours of chemo to go through first. Not having to leave until 1pm is a small win. Thomas isnt too bad today so far. Mornings are always the worst for him so a half decent morning is a good sign for a half decent day.  Parking at NGH is shit, IDST. Despite 1 in 2 people getting cancer now, only 1 in 5000 will get a parking space at Northampton General hospital. Oncology car park consists of about 5 regular spaces, 6 disabled and 6 electric car charging bays. And yet despite big "Oncology Patients Only" signs everywhere, you often see people parking and walking off to other parts of the hospital. Even staff from other departments take up valuable spaces. (Dont worry yourselves, everyone with cancer can walk another mile because you are a lazy inconsiderate @£#&!!) I've nearly lost my shit there a few times ...

Tuesday. Up and at em. Everything is ready to go. My mum arrives and I have a coffee with her before I wake Thomas. Today he has his usual blast of radio lined up, then he has an unscheduled meeting with his Oncology doctor - Dr Rawther because of yesterday's situation. (Usually, he would just have met with him at the beginning and end of treatment.) And then its 2 scheduled meetings with Maz and Jen the Dietician.  I go to wake him and he's awake, but the difference from yesterday is instantly noticeable.  "How you feeling?" (Always feel a twat asking this but it's just so I can try and support him in the right way at that given time) "Alright" he says with what almost looks like a smile 🥹 "...my mouth was sore through the night though".  His mouth is beginning to feel the brunt of treatment now. Hes got ulcers, sores, his gums are red and swollen and its hurting to swallow. Up to now he's only had paracetamol for pain relief but even the...

Monday morning. Week 3. Up with the birds. Priority coffee, making sure everything is ready for the girls, ironing clothes for me and Thomas and making sure both our bags have got everything we might need - diary, anti-sickness, paracetamol, radiotherapy cream, sunglasses, charger, headphones, xylitol gum, purse, wallet, phones, 3 French hens and a posse of Peruvian pan-pipers... Thomas gets up and straight away he's not good. Feels sick. Groggy. Emotional. It's a bad start from the minute he opens his eyes today. It's been the worst night yet that he's had for mouth pain too. He's in a bad way and he looks the way he feels.  We get to Northampton on time and it's business as usual. Weigh-in 73.4kg. The book goes in the basket and he picks a chair. The more days that are passing, the sicker he looks 😔 which is hard to see given that Thomas was in some of the best shape he's ever been in when this nightmare began. But today's the poorliest he's looke...

Yes actually, it was that bad 👎🏻 I swear to god, I feel like a mug for hugely underestimating just what this poor guy has got to go through. (And i have a vivid imagination so what i did imagine was pretty grim. But nothing prepares you for the reality)   MONDAY MORNING WEEK 2 - Lets fucking goooo 💪🏻 I go to wake Thomas and like most days, hes already awake because hes not really slept.  "You ok babe?" - No.  "Whats going on?" - My insides have come out. "What? What do you mean? - Exactly what I said.  Now, if anyone knows Toz, they'll know hes not into toilet humour (which is a shame because farts are funny if you give them a chance 😂) and hes somewhat prudish when it comes to butt's and stuff (im giggling like fuck writing this because im very immature) So when I sheepishly asked him "can I have a look? And he rolled over without a moments hesitation - I knew it was bad.  I take a look and hoooly fuck. Its bad. Its a fleshy mass, approx the ...

Hello beautiful people 💕  Neither of us slept too well the night before. Thomas hasn't been sleeping at all tbh. Its been a couple of weeks now and its really starting to effect him.  Chemo  took longer than expected because of the bloody iv situation, but there's no concerns. Thomas scores 77.8kg on his first weigh-in, which is just over 12 stone. He was advised to eat as much as possible in the build up so as to have a healthy reserve to lose when the weight starts coming off. (We later found out this was NOT what the dietician would have advised at all 😬 mostly due to the fact that he would drop back to to his standard weight quicker, leaving his mask loose. Luckily that's not happened....yet)  The chemo suite has the most wonderfully brave and positive people in it. Terminal people chatting away and showing courage you cant imagine having (and wouldnt want to imagine either.) It also has a lot of poorly looking people in head scarves and blankets that appear to...