The Madness of March (Part 2) - The phonecall...

Morning good people, i hope you slept well...

Knock knock 

Whos there? 

NOT TOZS CANCER!!!!!!! 🥳🎊🎉🥂🍾🎆🙌🏼🥹

At 14:36 Friday, I was on call with my friend Lynn, filling her in on the latest fuckeries when my phone starts ringing from a private number. "Let me call you back..."

I answer and its our earth angel Poppy. She doesn't sound her usual calm yet bubbly self, she sound a little manic tbh. 

"Lauren!! Lauren, his scans are back, he's moved to clinic review which means they were are all clear!" - shes crying as she says it and my legs almost go from under me.

"I don't know what you mean, what do you mean, do you mean what I think you mean?" 

"Yes!!! Its gone Lauren, I seen the reports come in and I had to call you straight away, I cant think of anyone better to give this news to"

Aaaand im gone. Pure hysteria. We sobbed together and Poppy stayed on the phone with me until I could breathe again. And guess who wasnt here? 😂 yes the man himself. He had nipped out to get Finn but was due back any second. 

This news wasn't expected. Thomas's next appointment with Dr Rawther is the 21st April which is when we thought we'd get his results. But our Poppy knew how much this meant and wasnt allowing the weekend to pass without giving us the best news we've ever had ❤️

I feel like I've had a 20 stone man sat on my chest. In that one phone call, it feels like he's stood up and walked off. Another smaller man has taken his place but he only weighs about 8 stone and hes much more manageable. I do plan on getting him to fuck too eventually. But I can finally take a deep breath and my overall anxiety level has reduced significantly since that call. Its like the baby bubble/cloud 9 feeling a newborn brings!

Can't lie though, because of the heart worries, this news is a little tainted. If there was no heart concerns I could of given 110% to celebrating. However, it only got 90% because that part was niggling at the back of my mind. BUT!!! Hes being tested, docs are aware, I cant do anything more about it than is being done, so i gotta let that go for now and focus on the good. THOMAS AND HIS ONCOLOGY TEAM BEAT THIS BASTARD 🫶🏻

So now im stood in the kitchen, bouncing on the spot like a deranged Tigger, shaking like a maraca, waiting on Toz and Finn coming in. I cant even remember what I said tbh its all a blur but I blurted it out then broke down again. Do you know what this man said? (Whilst holding me of course...) 

"See, told you it was gone" 😑 (😂😂😂) and hes right, he did keep telling me that.. 😂 Sorry, its just I needed some scan results to confirm your good news, Sir 🙄

I give Finn a big squeeze too. Im so glad he got to share that happy moment with us 🥹 Thomas is completely unphased. Tell this man he's beaten the cancer that sent him to hell and back - he feels indifferent. He wins £16 on a 20p spin and behaves like hes just won a mill. What is that about?? 😂😂 If anyone knows how I recalibrate his excitement meter that would great.. 

Now everything feels dreamy. Dreamlike. Not real again. These last 8 months have shown us depths of hell that nobody should witness or go through. Its pushed our strength as humans to the brink of collapse but we held on and pushed back with all of our might 💪🏻 and we won 🥹 

There's not much more I can say tbh as I usually have a lot more to report by the next blog but I was not expecting that phone call, neither of us were, so I thought i had until mid April to finish the last one! Ive never been happier to have the pressure to write! 

Thank you for reading my blogs. Thank you for all the messages of support. The offers of help. The words of wisdom. The kindness. The understanding. You know who you are and I thank you all so much. When you go through a cancer journey you really do see the good in people so much more.  Good thats always been there but that shines brighter in the dark. I will never forget the people who were right there next to us the whole time. Quietly, living their own crazy lives, but still being there for us whenever we reached out. Thank you all 🥹

Mum and Claire. Our Dreamteam. (God im crying already.) You 2 have no idea the magnitude of what you did for us. You took away every stress before it became stressful and made sure the only thing we had to worry about was getting Thomas to that hospital every day and getting him better. There was never a moment we had to think "shit, what about the kids?" - because you had it all under control. I cant bear the thought of someone going through this without arms like yours around them. You both knew when i wasnt doing so good, you held me at all the right times, you gave me strength when I felt like mine had run out and I honestly dont know what the last 8 months would have been like without you. I love you both so much, and Scotty and Haribo. They sacrificed their wife/mum for all those weeks, Scott making sure Claire was where she needed to be for us. I appreciate you all. We are so lucky to call you family. Thank you for being the best support network we could have dreamed of. We could not have done it without you. The most selfless pair of women I know. Thank you. We love you so much. Our Dreamteam💓 

And Dale!!  Where would we have been without Dale too. Men need men at hard times and Thomas's little brother has been there from day 1. Joining us at appointments, being a crutch during hard times and always with some great positive advice to give. Thomas hasnt been the easiest of patients 👀 and when I couldnt be the one to be firm - Dale was. He won't think hes done anything out of the ordinary but he has. He was there daily, checking in, calling, supporting us any way he could and we couldn't be more grateful. We love him so much 💗 

And lets not forget the oncology team. Wow. What can you say about those murderous pieces of shit 👀🙄 hahaha! (Stop it Lauren, not the time 😂) You might hear some outlandish statements from time to time, from unhinged members of society, who will try and tell you not to listen to doctors because they're trying to kill you...its hugely important you look at those people like they are fucking insane, (because they are) and then LISTEN TO YOUR DOCTOR!!! Yanno, the people who chose saving lives as a career. People who have spent hours upon hours over years and years, studying, learning, taking exams, researching, working their fucking asses off to help people. LISTEN TO THEM!!! They are not trying to kill you in any way, shape or form. Quite the opposite in fact. Does treatment always work? No. Do they get things wrong? Yes, they're human. But 20 years ago Thomas would have probably died from this cancer. The advances in treatment, medication, and studies on cancer are advancing all the time. Less people die now from cancer than ever before, the statistics are all there online for you to see ❤️ 

Maz, Dr Rawther, Poppy, Jo, Hayley, every macmillan nurse i spoke to over the last 8 months, the receptionist at oncology whos name i forget, The nurses in the chemo suite, Billy and Yvonne in Radiotherapy, the friends we made in the waiting rooms, the costa squad - FUCKING HEROS. I wish I was a millionaire so I could send these legends on a dream holiday to say thank you. I will forever be grateful to each person at Northampton Oncology department. You are the most incredible bunch of humans and I adore you all for giving us another chance at life. Like I told Maz - you all go to work every day and just do your job. But to us it's so much more than that. They give us hope, strength, advice, support and a longer life together. That's not just a job. Thats superhero levels 👏🏻 

Guna leave you all with a post i seen yesterday. Thomas has beaten his cancer but hes still a long way off being better. Strength to build, progress to make, lifestyle changes, learning to eat again, mindset to freshen, fking heart to investigate. He's cancer free, (GOD IT FEELS GOOD TO SAY THAT) but the cancer has left some effects in its departure as a "fuck you for beating me" kinda gift. But he'll get through it all and I hope he has give hope to anyone going through hard times. They pass. Even when it feels like they wont, they do 🥹🥰 sending love to you all xx

Jessica’s Healing Journey -

The world loves a clean ending and cancer is no exception.

We want a finish line we can point to. A moment where everything neatly folds back into place and life resumes as if it was only ever paused. Words like remission, no evidence of disease, cured, they sound like closure. They sound like freedom. And in many ways, they are something to celebrate. But they are not the full story.

Because cancer does not pack up and leave without a trace. It lingers.

It settles quietly into the body, in places no scan can fully measure. In nerves that fire differently. In muscles that fatigue faster. In scars that tighten or ache when you least expect it. It lives in the side effects that don’t always have timelines, in the way your body no longer feels entirely like it belongs to you in the same way it once did.

And it settles just as deeply into the mind.

It shows up in the questions that never used to exist. Every ache, every shift, every unfamiliar sensation carries weight now. Things that once felt insignificant can spiral into something heavy. You learn to read your body differently, more cautiously, more attentively, sometimes more fearfully.

It changes the way you move through the world.

You become aware of fragility in places you never noticed before. Of time. Of energy. Of what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not. The small things matter more, but so do the hard boundaries. Peace becomes less of a luxury and more of a necessity.

It shows up in relationships too.

In the way people expect you to be “back to normal” once the hardest parts are over. In the quiet disconnect between what others see and what you carry. Because from the outside, the chapter looks finished. But from the inside, you are still living in the aftermath of something that changed you at your core.

So no, there isn’t always a clean ending.

There is healing. There is growth. There is even joy again. But there is also a version of you that will always exist alongside all of that, shaped by what you’ve been through, carrying both the visible and invisible remnants of it.

Once touched by cancer, you are not defined by it. But you are forever altered by it.

And learning to live in that space, where gratitude and grief, strength and uncertainty all coexist, that is the real continuation of the story.

🫶🏻🥹❤️🥰 

Thomas. My love. My hero. My soul mate. I love you so much. Thank you for touching hell for us all. You are so loved and appreciated. I cant wait to get back to living. We are going to take this life by the bollox!! I hope you know how fucking awesome you are. I couldnt love you more if I tried. I will be right here by your side until the end of time as we know it. You got this and I got you baby 🥰 speaking of which, do you fancy.....👀😂 just kidding, dont run away xxx