Loz & Toz - Season 6 "The one where Toz gets Cancer"

A very belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all!! I hope you all had a great time over the festive period and that 2026 is bringing you all happiness and good health so far ❤️ So what's been crack-a-lackin since the big man rang the bell on Dec 12th? Well, as i write this, not very much in terms of anything that isn't tainted by cancer! It feels like we haven't left this house in years. And whilst that is difficult, it's also kept Thomas safe from illness. Not mixing has meant missing some special occasions and missing people in general, but this time of life has been all about making the right choices to keep Thomas safe. The last thing he needs on top of the trauma hes going through is a dose of the super Flu! So we've not seen hardly anyone. Quick visits from family to see the kids on Christmas day but it was the weirdest. Our house is usually chaos but it was subdued and calm this year. I can't wait to blast Christmas tunes next year and flap ...

I was going to do another run through of each day this week like previous weeks but I A. Forgot to take notes this week. And B Can't fucking remember what happened and when. So ill just summarise best I can.  The final countdown to treatment finishing!  I remember looking at Thomas's appointment sheet 6 weeks ago and it was 3 double-sided A4 pages, stapled together with row after row of dates and times and thinking - "this is so much" 😩 it felt like an eternity away. Treatment ending, as monumental as it is, is not the joyous occasion it should be.  The main man has got through this week like a champion given how bad things are. Hes been on his knees at times, completely defeated and hopeless but he pulls it back each time.  Hes completely reliant on his feeding tube now, even for medicine as the tablets get stuck in his throat, which is hellishly swollen and agony to swallow. I feel like all we do all day is syringe him full of something. Paracetamol at 8, 12, 4, 8...

Im disorganised today. Im still up at Dawn's crack and I know i need to get moving but motivation is evading me. Desperately need a shower and my hair is bogging but instead, I sit, as I do most mornings, drinking coffee, looking at different forums for any tips and advice I might have missed, and to see if i can get anything that might help with the healing process/pain/dry mouth/mucus/nausea 😭  I order some Xylimelts for his dry mouth. Little minty things that stick inside your lip on your gum that help stimulate saliva. They can be used when sleeping too so they go straight in ma basket. Some L-Glutamine powder. Lots of people in America use a product called Healios, but its about £60-£80 a tub to buy. A lovely lady on one of the groups lets me know that they dont get Healios in Oz either, but the main ingredient is L-Glutamine, which can help to reduce the severity of mouth sores because it aids the healing process somehow. I figure it cant help to add a spoon of it to his sal...

Monday- It feels good not having to leave early doors. Thomas isnt having chemo again this week, so hes not scheduled in for Radio until 3pm as he'd usually have hours of chemo to go through first. Not having to leave until 1pm is a small win. Thomas isnt too bad today so far. Mornings are always the worst for him so a half decent morning is a good sign for a half decent day.  Parking at NGH is shit, IDST. Despite 1 in 2 people getting cancer now, only 1 in 5000 will get a parking space at Northampton General hospital. Oncology car park consists of about 5 regular spaces, 6 disabled and 6 electric car charging bays. And yet despite big "Oncology Patients Only" signs everywhere, you often see people parking and walking off to other parts of the hospital. Even staff from other departments take up valuable spaces. (Dont worry yourselves, everyone with cancer can walk another mile because you are a lazy inconsiderate @£#&!!) I've nearly lost my shit there a few times ...

Tuesday. Up and at em. Everything is ready to go. My mum arrives and I have a coffee with her before I wake Thomas. Today he has his usual blast of radio lined up, then he has an unscheduled meeting with his Oncology doctor - Dr Rawther because of yesterday's situation. (Usually, he would just have met with him at the beginning and end of treatment.) And then its 2 scheduled meetings with Maz and Jen the Dietician.  I go to wake him and he's awake, but the difference from yesterday is instantly noticeable.  "How you feeling?" (Always feel a twat asking this but it's just so I can try and support him in the right way at that given time) "Alright" he says with what almost looks like a smile 🥹 "...my mouth was sore through the night though".  His mouth is beginning to feel the brunt of treatment now. Hes got ulcers, sores, his gums are red and swollen and its hurting to swallow. Up to now he's only had paracetamol for pain relief but even the...

Monday morning. Week 3. Up with the birds. Priority coffee, making sure everything is ready for the girls, ironing clothes for me and Thomas and making sure both our bags have got everything we might need - diary, anti-sickness, paracetamol, radiotherapy cream, sunglasses, charger, headphones, xylitol gum, purse, wallet, phones, 3 French hens and a posse of Peruvian pan-pipers... Thomas gets up and straight away he's not good. Feels sick. Groggy. Emotional. It's a bad start from the minute he opens his eyes today. It's been the worst night yet that he's had for mouth pain too. He's in a bad way and he looks the way he feels.  We get to Northampton on time and it's business as usual. Weigh-in 73.4kg. The book goes in the basket and he picks a chair. The more days that are passing, the sicker he looks 😔 which is hard to see given that Thomas was in some of the best shape he's ever been in when this nightmare began. But today's the poorliest he's looke...