The Pre-match warm-up

After the initial shock subsides you know you need to get your head in the game and prepare for what lies ahead. 

Before treatment even starts, there’s a surprising amount of… well, fucking everything. It’s similar to planning a wedding, i guess. But instead of cake, MOH and wedding gown decisions, its chemo, MRIs and hospital gowns. 

The prep work that Thomas had to go through for the next couple of months was intense. 

SCAN CENTRAL! CT scans, MRIs and a then a PET scan when the CTs and MRIs didn't show the detail they needed. Up until current day Thomas still says the tracer they inject for the CT is the worst thing hes had done. It makes him instantly nauseous and gag. "Can you lie still for us Mr Swanston" 😳 "Im fucking trying mate, GAG"

The PET scan showed hot spots on his tonsils, tongue, lymph nodes and to our absolute horror, a spot on his kidneys. (Cue another Lozza breakdown) Has it metastized? They gave him another CT of the kidneys (yay more tracer 🤢) and they are happy that this isnt cancer. Its a benign tumour of sorts that they will investigate further in January once the cancer business is (hopefully) finalised! 

'Scanxiety' is hard. She's like the scary big sister of normal anxiety and much harder to manage. She shows up daily, taunting you, whispering in your ear "psst Holmesy, what if its incurable? What if its spread? Psst, Lauren are you listening? What if they cant help him and he dies? Lauren? Stop crying and listen to me you weak bitch, im trying to scare you here!!" - i fire 2 pregabalin down my throat to maker her fuck off for a bit so I can focus. 

Next up - the removal of his tonsils and a tongue biopsy. Sounds not too bad right? WRONG! Theres a reason they take your tonsils out as a kid and not an adult, because a seemingly routine operation was rougher than any of us could have imagined. When you have had tonsillitis over the years and dont get them out, they build scar tissue which makes them harder to remove and the presence of scar tissue makes the recovery harder too. 

The pain my poor man was in was next level and there's no supply of decent pain relief, just paracetamol, ibuprofen and codeine. But Thomas doesn't do well with tablets and a few days in he became really withdrawn and was barely communicating with me. One word answers and not a single pleasantry. I started feeling low, convinced that the op had altered how he felt about me. (Listen, I didn't say everything i said or did made sense ok? 😂) Im doing everything in my power to look after him and he won't look at me, won't talk to me, nothing. I broke down on the phone to my friend. "I cant carry on like this mate, I dont know what more I can do, its like he fucking hates me" 🥺 Now, I dont know if he overheard my breakdown or if the universe flicked him in the forehead and he had an epiphany, but he came downstairs that morning and asked for a hug. I went to pieces. He held me and said sorry for how he'd been behaving. He said he wasnt going to take any more codeine as he was completely numb on them. He hadn't had a single positive/good thought come into his head since the day before the op when we had gone to the Lake District with one of our best pals to climb Hellvelyn. When Thomas opens up it feels like all my Christmases have come at once. Just knowing he recognised and understood things weren't good was the turning point and it was much easier helping him recover from then on. 

No time to get comfy though because next up, we have Feeding Tube Fitting 😭 Due to having radiotherapy on both sides of his neck, Thomas is going to be burned both inside and outside of his throat and mouth. Blisters, ulcers, sores, burns - a real mix of forfucksakery. Which naturally means eating will be hard if not impossible some days. And thats where his PEG feed will save him. A super sweet nurse called Emily came to see us at home before the fitting to talk us through everything. Even when Thomas isnt using the tube to feed, it still needs flushed twice a day to keep it clean. This is one of the jobs ive taken on as my own and "Fancy giving me a flush babe?" has become as common a phrase in this house as "Get down off the kitchen table before you fall!" But again, not the easy procedure we thought it would be. Its a day case procedure like the tonsillectomy but that really does mean jack shit. Once the initial pain meds wore off Thomas was really struggling to stand up straight. You could see he was in discomfort but Emily is always on hand to answer any questions and visit if we need her to, so after checking in she was happy things were healing well, no infection and reminded us that its a big procedure and recovery isnt overnight. Fast forward a few weeks and we have Advance and Rotate. (Have i mentioned Toz is squeamish? That'll help you understand why i took control of all things PEG related 🙃) So, when you have a feeding tube, its basically a foreign body inside you. And your body be like "da fuck is that??" and will get to trying to heal over it. Which becomes a medical emergency (Yay more stuff to worry about 🙄) So once a week we have to unclip it all, push the tube in approx 2 inches, rotate it 360°, pull it back out, clean it and reclip it all. Sounds easy but it is not. The minute I came near him, his stomach involuntarily sucked in, swallowing some of the tube 😭 im like "you need to try and relax babe" - so he does. Then the minute I touch him, it retracts again. Trying to do a procedure when the part of the tube i need to clip has gone inside him....aint easy. Im not a nurse, im terrified of hurting him or getting it wrong - despite knowing im doing it right as im a good listener with a diary full of notes 😉 So im asking Emily to come assist with next weeks. Just for some reassurance that im doing it right and for some pointers on what to do when his stomach reacts and eats the tube 😂

Just when hes feeling a bit better about the PEG - Lets rip a tooth out 🤷🏻‍♀️ due to reduced blood flow in the guns, some teeth dont withstand the chemo and radiotherapy. So any that are a bit wobbly or weak need removed. This gets done at the maxifillo facial unit. "At least I dont have to pay for it!" he says 🙄 Luckily for Thomas he only needs 1 out and its a straightforward procedure. Hurrah! We love straightforward ❤️

Throw in a couple of blood tests, face to face meetings and phone calls and thats pretty much the gist of pre-treatment preparation. Given that Thomas hadnt had so much as a blood year until last year and had gone 45 years with minimal health concerns...he sure as fuck threw himself in at the deep end with the big C. 

Tune in next time for dialling 999....